For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
