My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
