Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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