Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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