she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
