she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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