I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
