When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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