Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
