Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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