hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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