i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
