Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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