Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
