I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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