Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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