i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
