I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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