Non-Jews are for practice
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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