then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
