You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
