Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
nutella sex= disaster
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
