she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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