I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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