I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
