just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just had sex on a roof
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
