this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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