Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
