Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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