god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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