Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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