And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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