This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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