ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
