this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
