Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
