Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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