Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
