Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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