Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ugly people sure do ruin things
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.