I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You're a waste of cheezeits
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I could fuck to npr.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."