dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
