how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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