yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
