I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
