I cannot find my penis.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
