My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
