you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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