my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
