you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The beer is more important than you right now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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