chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
