Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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