why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
