she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
