Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
