Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
