I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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