you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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