How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize