naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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