I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You made out with two different species that night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
